Chasism’s are a collection of news group comments from Chas Clements, who has become somewhat well-known on many newsgroups. Some like him, some hate him, but few will deny that he is unique in the world.
A couple of years ago, I instigated a contest to see who could find the best Chasism, and offered a set of the first four KunTao Silat Videos to the First Prize winner. Now I’ve converted everything to DVD.
Here are the entries so far, and obviously Chas has not yet ceased to post, so there are probably more jewels out there. We’ll open the contest from here and then figure out how to choose a winner.
Batman Apr 2 2003, 9:00 pm show optionsNewsgroups: rec.martial-artsFrom: ba****@ba*****.edu (Batman) – Find messages by this author Date: Thu, 03 Apr 2003 05:00:47 -0000Local: Wed, Apr 2 2003 9:00 pm Subject: chasisms (is the contest still going on?) Chas just said this one
“Madam; you are the fruit and flower of Western Civilization; well educated, moral, thoughtful, compassionate, reserved and dignified. I trust you to stab the right guys.”
-jeff
chasisms (is the contest still going on?) . . . Yes Steve Gartin Apr 4 2003, 9:28 am show optionsNewsgroups: rec.martial-artsFrom: “Steve Gartin” <s.**@th*********.net> – Find messages by this author Date: Fri, 4 Apr 2003 10:38:00 -0700Subject: Re: chasisms (is the contest still going on?) . . . Yes ____________________________________________
Entry #1:
“Uncle Samuel” <stars@bars>
I like Chas’ style and notable wit.
I think my favorite, and it’s been some time back, went thusly:
“I have known women who would fuck a bulldog in a mudslide-never a
worry about conception until they made the decision to do so.”>
Entry #2:
One of my favourites was:
“…so does that make me King of all
Wrestlers? Nah, I’m just a guy with a
club.”
Pierre
Entry #3
I’m going to enter Kirk Lawson, since this
is on his sig line:
“…it’s the nature of the media and the
participants. A herd of martial artists gets
together and a fight breaks out; quelle
surprise.” -Chas Speaking of
rec.martial-arts
Entry #4:
I saw this one a while back, and was lucky
enough to find it again.
“…Gun control has no value other than
making it easy for the powerful to oppress
the weak. The personal weapon is the one
thing that distinguishes the freeman from
the serf.”
James
Entry #5:
Sounds like a great project.
Probably the phrase I have uttered the most
during my own teaching.
With proper credit of course!!! <G>
(It’s fighting, not folkdancing!”)
Perk
Entry #6: From Kalis
Ok here goes… “And if pigs had wings, we
could fly them to market…”
“Dog nose it’s true”
Entry #7: Kalis made another entry:
Oh yeah, almost forgot:
<after Chas has been arguing back and forth
with someone on rec.knives..>
“And it’s amazing I got through this whole
post without once calling you a cocksucker!”
Laughed my ass off for days.<g>
Mike
Entry #8: ra****@ya***.com
My all time favorite;
“I don’t give a fat fiddler’s foreskin”
Entry #9:
“I was initially disappointed at the
shallowness of his convictions and depths of
his self hatred, but then I realized he was
‘just kiddin’ and my ire turned to jollity;
a good time was had by all in the
contemplation of his wit and acerbic humor.”
-Chas —
-Andrew>
Entry #10 = ra****@ya***.com
oh yeah, I forgot that “asward in hand lady
of the lake” thingy,
“Needs we no Lady, arising from the Lake
asward in hand, to apprise us of that
truth…”
Entry #11 = Wraith
Why not?
“Your weapons philosophy is based on bad
French movies?”
–Chas Clements
Regards,
Wraith
Entry #12: James
Two more.
“…if cows could talk, does that mean we’d
have to lie to them?”
James
Entry #13
“So a cogent analysis of pertinent facts is
beyond you?”
James
Entry #14:
Politics is martial arts for groups
Kirk Lawson
Entry #15
Daniel Winsor – HESE wrote:
Chas <gr******@ho**.com> writes: GROUP
HUG!!!!
Put some clothes on first this time, please?
😉
Yeah- you say that when the lights come
on— Chas
Entry #16:
Sc******@we***.net
My favorite is simple and to the point.
In response to an anti self-defense ninny
“Hal, You’re a menace”
Entry #17:
My fav:
Yes; and only the most fatuous boob would
suggest otherwise.
Happily, we have a boob-in-residence, and
needn’t wait for an itinerant fool to make
his rounds.
Badger Jones
Entry #18
Great idea. Here’s a couple of my
favourites – dark and light :
On atrocities in war : “(War) entails the
nadir of man’s ideals to function; deceit,
duplicity, ruthlessness, viciousness – the
fear is overwhelming; clinging to any
ideal except self-preservation’ is difficult
- everyone is an enemy who isn’t wearing
green. War is an atrocity.”
Cheers
Roger Taylor
Entry #19
On ’empty-handed’ fighting : “Fighting
unarmed is an affectation. Geez you don’t
eat with your hands, why in the world
would you want to fight with them?”
Cheers
Roger Taylor
Entry #20
Entry #8: ra****@ya***.com
and an obscure one I would guess;
“My karma ran over your dogma”
Entry #21
“Your epigrammatic forays aside, I don’t
have to be a magician to know
that I didn’t have a coin in my ear.” -Chas
I’ll propose that one. I must admit he
totally lost me when I read that.
-frl
Entry #22
“Sort of the idea that if you’re bitten by a
dog, it didn’t help if you were wearing a
porkchop hat.”
Paul T.
Entry #23
“If you want to cut your chances of being a
dog’s dinner, don’t dress up like a can of
Alpo.”
Paul T.
Entry #24
“The English, God Love ’em, have only two
kinds of women; and they are exemplified by
Diana and Camilla.”
Paul T.
Entry #25
“…the gun will work wet and modern
ammunition is watertight… A nice
ballistic nylon holster attached to your
shower head is a fashion
accessory sure to excite comment from your
bathing guests.”
Paul T.
Entry #26
“I haven’t done anything in twenty-five
years that I wouldn’t do in your front room
with the picture window.” – Chas
-frl
Entry #27
Or how about
“You attacked in the electronic arena, in
public-”
That was a funny one too. My take is that
these aren’t really chasisms but I thought
they were pretty funny at the time.
-frl
Entry #28
“As I say; what if they had come after
you– when do you give up your good name
without a battle? They chose the venue,
they can ride the pipe.”
Yeah baby, yeah.
-frl
Entry #29
Another Chas-ism that always makes me smile
is “[you] get to ride the big green weenie.”
Peace favor your sword (IH)
Kirk Lawson
Entry #30
Unless you want to
declare war on Islam, and AGAIN, if you
do, Hussein is a NON-ISLAMIC > state.
He just happens to be an arab.
I thought he was a Persian. He doesn’t look
like an evil rat, so I thought he was more
‘mesopotamian’ or something.
Hugh Slaman
Not an entry – jest an observation. Chas
exemplifies the American
passion for freedom of expression, press and
religion. Here is an exerpt from Rec.Knives
that I find germane:
noone_atallus wrote:
……..
but the subject’s quickly drifting away
from that to a ‘all cops are > evil’thread
which has started a flame war smoldering
from which no > > one wins and everyone
loses.
Actually, I think everybody wins. Cops win
because they can reclaim our perceptions of
their integrity by simply doin’ the fookin’
job.
Citizens win because the more we can trust
our public institutions and their
administrators, the better chance we have in
our ‘noble
experiment’ to live by the rule of law
rather than the whim of some
individual.
I would hope everyone here has the utmost
respect for all who
post to this group, but a battle of
opinions, regardless of personal >
experience, will only cause a multitude
name calling posts that will > choke this
group to death and cause many current and
potential
posters to leave and take they’re wealth
of information with them > leaving us with
only spam and tumble weeds.
(I’m sure we all know of at least one
newsgroup that’s had this
happen to them).
Crap.
I wade through a lot of posts that bore me
to distraction- and I respect that other
people have other interests than mine. As a
martial artist, as a man who lives in a
rough part of town- as a minority, as a
knife dealer, a sheath maker and a collector
of all things bladed, I want information
on the real world as applies to knifeguys.
Why don’t we just let this thread die and
get on with the
business at hand, the most wondrous tool
ever invented, the blade.
If you don’t pay attention to your rights,
you’ll be constrained to display your
‘wondrous tools’ in a glass box with a lock
on it- and never a pocket will it see.
—
Chas Clements
casemaker 303-910-2685 (Denver area)
Entry #31:
One of my favourites (which I haven’t seen
posted yet) was to do with using weapons:–
Why would I want to lose a fight just
because you’re better than me?
—
Rob.
Entry #32:
N.**@ce*****.net
I like:
“The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and
extended one slender leg behind her, like a
dog at a fire hydrant.”
A student
Entry #33: replacing Smorgass Bord from
rec.sport.billiard
Another one(Gawd they’re endless!)
“Tough guys will …
read more »
Frank Benn Jul 17 2000, 12:00 am show optionsNewsgroups: rec.martial-artsFrom: Frank Benn <spa…@NOSPAMINTEGRATEDARTShotmail.com> – Find messages by this author Date: 2000/07/17Subject: Unfortunate NewsReply to Author | Forward | Print | Individual Message | Show original | Report Abuse A few days ago, I was notified that a member of this forum, Stuart
Pauker, passed away.
I never met Stuart, but we had emailed back and forth a number of times
over the past couple years, and he seemed like a very nice and sincere
person.
I don’t know any of the circumstances, but would appreciate it if anyone
with information on what exactly happened would contact me.
Chas Jul 18 2000, 12:00 am show optionsNewsgroups: rec.martial-artsFrom: Chas <gr******@ho**.com> – Find messages by this author Date: 2000/07/18Subject: Re: Unfortunate NewsReply to Author | Forward | Print | Individual Message | Show original | Report Abuse
Frank Benn wrote:
A few days ago, I was notified that a member of this forum, Stuart
Pauker, passed away.
Seemed like a nice guy-
Please pass to his family and loved ones my deep condolences, respects
and good wishes.
Chas
http://members.xoom.com/kilap/Keepsafe.htm
http://members.xoom.com/kilap/cane.html
http://members.xoom.com/kilap/monkey.html http://www.kuntaosilat.com/
http://members.tripod.lycos.com/coloradojail/index.htm
GOU RONIN® Jul 19 2000, 12:00 am show optionsNewsgroups: rec.martial-artsFrom: ke*********@ho*****.com (GOU RONIN®) – Find messages by this author Date: 2000/07/19Subject: Re: Unfortunate NewsReply to Author | Forward | Print | Individual Message | Show original | Report Abuse Chas <gr******@ho**.com> scribbled with their crayola:
Frank Benn wrote:
> A few days ago, I was notified that a member of this forum, Stuart
> Pauker, passed away.
Seemed like a nice guy-
Please pass to his family and loved ones my deep condolences, respects
and good wishes.
Chas
Ditto.
GOU RONIN® – The Unforgiven…
ICQ# – 49024165
http://members.tripod.com/~kenpo_ronin/houseofronin.html
Lynn Seiser PhD MFCC Jul 20 2000, 12:00 am show optionsNewsgroups: rec.martial-artsFrom: ai***********@ao*.com (Lynn Seiser PhD MFCC) – Find messages by this author Date: 2000/07/20Subject: Re: Unfortunate NewsReply to Author | Forward | Print | Individual Message | Show original | Report Abuse
>a member of this forum, Stuart Pauker, passed away.>>
Condolences and compassion to his family.
Lynn
Tenshinkai Aikido/Lucaylucay Kali
“We do not rise to the level of our expectations.
We fall to the level of our training.” Train well. KWATZ!
Aiki-Solutions (Lynn Seiser, PhD MFCC)
http://hometown.aol.com/AikiSolutions/AikiSolutions.html
http://members.aol.com/SeiserL/index.html
William Jul 21 2000, 12:00 am show optionsNewsgroups: rec.martial-artsFrom: “William” <bu********@ho*****.com> – Find messages by this author Date: 2000/07/21Subject: Re: Unfortunate NewsReply to Author | Forward | Print | Individual Message | Show original | Report Abuse wow you get a phd in martial arts! I wish we had that in Australia.
If you are half as smart as me, Then I am Twice as smart as you!!!
kl*******@ho*****.com 4 personal tips http://cum2.cjb.net 4 pornobabes
http://m2k.diz.nu 4 martial arts
X-menbabes http://movie.diz.nu/ BUFFY http://buffy.diz.nu
my diary http://klumsyboy.diaryland.com Everything else
http://w.diz.nu
“Respect My Authorata!!! Or I’ll kick you square in the nuts!” – Eric
Cartman
Lynn Seiser PhD MFCC wrote in message
<20***************************@ns****.com>…
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text –
>>a member of this forum, Stuart Pauker, passed away.>>
Condolences and compassion to his family.Lynn
Tenshinkai Aikido/Lucaylucay Kali“We do not rise to the level of our expectations.
We fall to the level of our training.” Train well. KWATZ!
Aiki-Solutions (Lynn Seiser, PhD MFCC)
http://hometown.aol.com/AikiSolutions/AikiSolutions.html
http://members.aol.com/SeiserL/index.html
Chas Jul 21 2000, 12:00 am show optionsNewsgroups: rec.martial-artsFrom: Chas <gr******@ho**.com> – Find messages by this author Date: 2000/07/21Subject: Re: Unfortunate NewsReply to Author | Forward | Print | Individual Message | Show original | Report Abuse
William wrote:
wow you get a phd in martial arts! I wish we had that in Australia.
are you really this dumb or did someone teach a can of tunafish to talk?
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text –
Chas
http://members.xoom.com/kilap/Keepsafe.htm
http://members.xoom.com/kilap/cane.html
http://members.xoom.com/kilap/monkey.html http://www.kuntaosilat.com/
http://members.tripod.lycos.com/coloradojail/index.htm
Daniel Winsor – HESE Jul 21 2000, 12:00 am show optionsNewsgroups: rec.martial-artsFrom: dw*****@En*.COM (Daniel Winsor – HESE) – Find messages by this author Date: 2000/07/21Subject: Re: Unfortunate NewsReply to Author | Forward | Print | Individual Message | Show original | Report Abuse In article CB******@ho**.com, Chas <gr******@ho**.com> writes:
are you really this dumb or did someone teach a can of tunafish to talk?
Can someone research the archives and compile a list of some of these?
We need to be recording these for posterity.
Dan Winsor
OT: Chasisms – was Re: Unfortunate News Daniel Winsor – HESE Jul 21 2000, 12:00 am show optionsNewsgroups: rec.martial-artsFrom: dw*****@En*.COM (Daniel Winsor – HESE) – Find messages by this author Date: 2000/07/21Subject: OT: Chasisms – was Re: Unfortunate NewsReply to Author | Forward | Print | Individual Message | Show original | Report Abuse In article 2.**@ea*******.com, dw*****@En*.COM (Daniel Winsor – HESE) writes:
Can someone research the archives and compile a list of some of these?
We need to be recording these for posterity.
BTW, my appologies for not starting a new topic for this. This topic is not
appropriate for the original thread.
Dan Winsor
Unfortunate News Don Wagner Jul 21 2000, 12:00 am show optionsNewsgroups: rec.martial-artsFrom: da******@ix.com (Don Wagner) – Find messages by this author Date: 2000/07/21Subject: Re: Unfortunate NewsReply to Author | Forward | Print | Individual Message | Show original | Report Abuse
Chas <gr******@ho**.com> wrote:
William wrote:
> wow you get a phd in martial arts! I wish we had that in Australia.
are you really this dumb or did someone teach a can of tunafish to talk?Chas
Ain’t he a hoot, Chas?
Really, if the price of stupid goes up I claim drilling rights to his
head!
–Don–
Let me show you how the guards used to do it…
Jerry B. Altzman Jul 21 2000, 12:00 am show optionsNewsgroups: rec.martial-artsFrom: “Jerry B. Altzman” <jb****@te*****.com> – Find messages by this author Date: 2000/07/21Subject: Re: Unfortunate NewsReply to Author | Forward | Print | Individual Message | Show original | Report Abuse [Posted and mailed]
Don Wagner wrote:
Chas <gr******@ho**.com> wrote:
>are you really this dumb or did someone teach a can of tunafish to talk?
Really, if the price of stupid goes up I claim drilling rights to his
head!
Alas, running out of stupidity is about as likely as running out of hydrogen,
so the price will likely stay low…
–Don–
//jbaltz
jerry b. altzman jb****@te*****.com
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